for some reason today I joined classmates.com and looked up people I knew 30 years ago (westchester high, class of '77). haven't been in contact with any of them at all. didn't really have much contact with them back in high school either. so what was my motivation? why dig up these old memories, dwell and wallow in the past? is there something unresolved? I have a much better life now than those raw, tumultous years into which I was thrown without support. I guess it's the fact that it's still my history, regardless of how dull, unenjoyable and alienating it was. it is a challenge I must ping, like an old, healed wound against which I may test my strength and confidence. I read and note how old these classmates have gotten - like their lives are over. in many ways I still feel fresh and looking forward for new things; many new things to try, people to meet... I think I'm in better shape now physically, financially and emotionally than I've ever been in my life. I don't want to go back to that time of young helplessness. but I don't want to brag or look for a fight either. so what is my motivation? I think of the old U2 song "I still haven't found what I'm looking for", except hmm, I still don't know, what I'm looking for...
5 comments:
You haven't changed a bit. ;0
I'm persuaded to believe a person will always have youth and energy when your objective is to learn and make yourself better. Consequently, in a delightful turn, propinquity takes over and you inspire others to do the same.
Now only to teach this to my kids, they will go far in life!
propinquity, what a word! ok, here's a little update. via Classmates I did get in contact with a friend from farther back than high school - try going back 40 years to second grade! that is very unusual for me - nobody outside my family knew me that long ago. she had lots of info and sent me old pictures of people long forgotten. kinda neat, exploring the distant past. which I could now segue into my next blog post except for the fact that I'm trapped in a comment now :)
Great analogy of our past as children. We were so raw and so open to anything and everything. Alas, how we change into adult skeptics and drones. Okay, I confess that is not me. I refuse to conform to adulthood. Even thougg I just hit the big 4-0!
I do like to see how those jocks and skanky cheerleaders turned out. I must say I am pleased. I'm bad.
I wanted to stop by to say hello and to thank you for leaving a nice comment on my dream blog a few moons back. :o)
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