Travelissimo – You Can Travel Easy, Or You Can Travelissimo

this is a guest post by fellow blogger Aaron Voorhees. I thought it was funny, so am blatantly (as in without permission) reposting here. so let's see if he can get a rise out of you readers:

August 12, 2005 PM

Why All The Opposing?

People often ask me, “Aaron why is it that you talk to an imaginary audience when you write your columns.” And I often say, “Please people, can you not see that I am writing an important piece of prose that may or may not save the world.” This is usually when my editor says, “Aaron are you arguing with imaginary people again. I think it is time you started seeing a psychiatrist.” Luckily, my editor fired me ages ago.
Let us get to the true meat of your question. You are wondering if this imaginary audience truly believes that I have something of relevance to say or if I just pay them to ask interested. To be honest with you, I am not quite sure myself. Sometimes I give mere acquaintances rides to the airport and then when they leave for the gate thanking me and promising to re-pay the favor, I casually mention I would appreciate if they read my column “at this web site, and here’s a card that has it in case you forget and if you are too busy to read these days maybe you could just read a paragraph on every commercial break for ‘Alias’ or ‘Spongebob Squarepants” or whatever you watch, and if the commercials are the Super Bowl quality ones you could always take a laptop with you to your next dental appointment.”
This brings us to the the little pink elephant of a question that you, my fantasy audience, are hinting at: “Why are you, Mr. Voorhees, writing a column for a web-site by the name of Deathtoallwhooppose.us? A jolly good question. The answer is simple. Although the opinions expressed by others on this web site do not always reflect my own, the people involved with creating content for this site all do have their own style of radical creativity. As a craftsman of written word, I look forward to being on this platform of spirited debate and quality artistic expression.
Thus, for the foreseeable future you can read my column every Monday morning here at Deathtoalloppose.us . . . Feel free to tell all of your imaginary friends too. I might even pretend to pick them up at the airport.
For those of you who have been following my mentor Mickey Buckle and his diatribe about the state of humanity in the Belltown Messenger of Seattle, rest assured that he is enjoying his sabbatical and still will not comment about the “artistic differences” that led to said break in his working relationship with the Messenger staff. He is currently living on his boat and writing his highly anticipated novel, “I believe the Flowers are our Future.” He has asked me to tell all of you that, “The commie-pinko, Rupert Murdoch-puppeted, newspaper-machine will never silence him.” It is my honor to be able to say that Mr. Buckle has promised to join me in writing occasional travel-related pieces for an upcoming novella entitled “Travelissimo.” There is still some debate between the two of us on whether the subtitle will be “You can Travel Easy or You Can Travelissimo” or “Ride Till You Find Them and Kill them All.” If you know which of us has thought up which subtitle you have definitely turned the television off and become part of my hip, happinin’ imaginary audience.